"Something has changed…your aura of just pure happiness…” “You are so zen.” “That’s why you come off different to me. You’ve been to India. Makes sense now. It’s so interesting how people can notice when we’ve changed that significantly.” “Why can’t you be calm like Kristina.” Wait…what?! I’m not pure happiness, or zen, or calm. Am I? What the hell are these people talking about? Why can’t I see those things? Because we often can’t. We really don’t. But if we are lucky - sometimes people give us glimpses. Glimpses of what it might be like to visit our landscape, to marvel at the beauty – without prescription, without disappointment, and without the day to day irritants that leave us bleary eyed at best, and most often outright blind. What we see as damaged cliff, they use as stepping stones to vista views. What we hear as racket, they enjoy as folksong. What we taste as bitter, they call delicacy. Our pheromones of sweat and sex bid and beckon. We think we just need a shower ;) I start this year in awe at the marvel which is me. I start out grateful for people who have given me the glimpses. And I grow excited when I think of others as representing a variety of places to land and explore – those I’ve known for lifetimes and those I’ve known only for moments. One of my besties, Christy P, who has a kick ass gift for analogy has helped me more fully appreciate all there is to get hyped about. After a series of stressful relationship hurdles, I was struggling to understand what kept going wrong and why I seemed destined to forever be in a state of perpetual free-fall when it came to romantic partnership. Knowing my love for globetrotting, she encouraged me to look at my partners as geographical pinpoints that I could enjoy visiting without the pressure of planning for permanent residence, and to focus on the new knowledge that each one brought into my life. Hmmmm…I thought… Go on…tell me more… She went on…saying how some partners were like bustling cosmopolitan cities full of culture and insight. Lots of museums. Plenty to unpack. Coffee shops tucked into street corners. Articulate but unassuming. (A place I could have imagined remaining longer.) Another partner might be more like exotic island she explained. Beautiful and blissful until the volcanoes erupt. Shaky ground. Unpredictable climate. The uncertainty of whether you could return home safely should you decide to visit. Mammoth bug bites! Still other partners are like Iowa she continued – steady, but flat. Actually, when I just googled Iowa I learned that its supposed flatness is a huge misconception! Perhaps I/you/we didn’t stay long enough in those relationships to understand there was more to see. That hills existed. That groundedness and stability can be ultra sexy too. This new lens got me thinking all kinds of thoughts. Asking all kinds of questions. What history shapes their stories? What places have they explored? Can they tell me about the sights and the sounds there? About the secret spots and rumored tales? The indents in the sand from galloping horses’ hooves. Sanskrit floating through the air. How a hammock fits perfectly between those two trees. What do they know? How can I learn? Will I ever be able to clearly see? My assurance to all of you this year is that you have changed. You are changing. You have grown. You are growing. Perhaps imperceptibly to you, but happening just the same. Sit in that knowing. Let yourself languish there. This is worth doing, worth capturing, worth remembering, worth recording. When I travel, I approach new places with curiosity, with wonder, with a gentle acceptance that this is just the way things work here. I’m not mad that one city doesn’t operate like the next. I don’t visit one country and demand that it look, taste, smell like another. The exact opposite actually – the draw for me is in the difference. So why am I so often critical of my own swamps, jagged pieces, and littered lots? Whole ecosystems live in my waters. Those crags create their own mystical skyline. My trash is burned to warm and fuel. See yourself in like appreciation – for the attraction which you are. A place you want to visit. Maybe even stay.
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This one continues to grace my best gifts to give/recevie list year after year. I gifted one to my dad in Florida and most recently my sister joined in on the fun and we got one for my mom. When we touch it at our house it lights up at their houses to let them know we are thinking about them. I mean I can't think of a more appropriate gift this year which is why I'm giving it spots 3, 2, 1 (and because somehow I ran out of time to get all of these posts done by Black Friday which I had hoped). I do, humbly apologize, to my 4 readers.
Mine is the old school version. Looks like now there is a new design and you also have the option to get a light up frame. Check it out here. You can designate certain colors to certain people so you know exactly who is thinking of you! I love catching it flash on from across the room - reminding me ahh, yes I am loved. And yes, you are too. Number 4 on my "best gifts to give and receive list" this holiday season is the often thought about, but never taken class. According to FB, this beautiful ballerina by the name of Nancy started ballet classes when she was 60. Who in your life may have hinted about something they want to do/try but haven't - maybe due to cost, maybe due to time restraints, maybe because they think they are too old, or not talented enough. Maybe they think it is too selfish or immature to try doing 'that thing' NOW that they have 'real responsibilities' to tend to.
Buying them that language class, or those horse back riding lessons, or footing the bill for that iphone photography course just might be the nudge they need to take that next step. It must just provide the permission they've denied themselves to go the hell ahead and do what makes their soul sing (or dance!) It also shows that you are listening when they talk ;) Yet another benefit to this type of gift is they probably aren't receiving duplicates. Moreover, the memories will likely last far longer than a product ;) Here are some class ideas to get you thinking:
Not currently single, but boy do I wish someone would have bought me this subscription box when I was. Their headlines alone are enough to convince me that I would have loved this sassy snarky surprise collection. Cue Beyonce someone! All the single ladies... Gallery Pic 1: Stitch Fix - I was so close tonight...so close...I usually love their ads that pop up on my feeds, I despise shopping, and every time I compliment my neighbor Jen on her outfits her response is usually Stitch Fix. I would probably be their perfect customer! Too bad I can also be cheap and had $5000 in unanticipated expenses this week. I also don't like having a lot of 'stuff' which made me pause before handing over my payment info. However, once I can build my savings back up to pre-November status I plan on signing up for the every 3 month box (this quarterly box as opposed to the monthly one will allow me to finally put my FOMO to rest while still retaining my self-proclaimed minimalist closet status...I'm also so curious what my 'personal designer' will choose for me). Gallery Pic 2: Quirky Crate - Ashley!!!! What does this remind you of!?!?! Someone took our idea and apparently found a way to make it profitable! My sister and I had a grand idea to create fun 'decade' themed baskets seven or so years ago after a few bottles of wine. I pictured a 90's themed basket as the perfect gift for an adult sleepover for eighties babies who would fondly reminisce their heydey while playing Girl Talk and listening to mixed tapes in their NKOTB nightgowns. The trouble was that when we went to create these baskets we realized Girl Talk was selling for $75 on Ebay. This quickly killed our dream (but not our buzz lol). I'm glad to see someone picked up where we left off. Gallery Pic 3: Vinyl Moon - How cool is this! This company takes ten tracks from up and coming artists and puts them to vinyl complete with custom designed jacket covers. I'm uber impressed. Gallery Pic 1: Nomadik is a travel themed subscription box. Products include things like hammocks, headlamps, solar lights, sand free towels, waterproof speakers, hydrapaks, and more. I also really love the 'more girly' Vacation Crate that includes fair trade artisan goods like jewelry and art.
Gallery Pic 2: Amazon Book Boxes (pic from themomcreative.com) My mom got this for my 11 year old two years ago and she loves tearing open the box every month to see what two books she received. Amazon sends a parent preview of the two books and allows you to swap options so you don't have to worry about getting a book already on your shelves. Prior to graduating to young adult readers my daughter received the Highlights magazine subscription for a gift (equally as great). Gallery Pic 3: Wordy Traveler - this combines my first two loves from Pic 1 and 2 (travel and reading). It is a quarterly book club that includes 3 books, ethically sourced tea from the highlighted region, and an art print. I'm not clear if the books all center on one 'area' or if they are 'travel themed' in general, but I really don't care (I'm all about this whatever the case, given that a portion of the proceeds helps support global education for girls and women.) I was amazed at the breath of subscription boxes I was finding once I started looking. I love that there are ones that focused on 'doing good,' and 'puzzles,' and 'spices' - a quick google search on your interest paired with subscription box should offer plenty of options! I'll end with this one given my love of travel and because now, more than ever, it is of paramount importance that we raise kids who are tolerant of languages, and customs, and lifestyles that might look different than theirs. Little Passports appeals to adventurers aged 3-12. It teaches about geography, culturally relevant holidays and celebrations, and includes hands-on activities such as molding sea turtles from Costa Rica. I hope you find your perfect 'personalized' box out there! One of my life goals (forget the 10 that I posted about earlier this year – I should really just whittle it down to this one) is to have an email account that has zero messages in it. Right now my personal yahoo shows 99 inbox items just hangin out, and that folks has been about as low as I can get it. I save lots of articles and newsletters and just random things I mean to check out, but I simply can’t seem to find the time to fit in "all the things." (Curious where that "all the things" phrase came from? I was too! Check out what I learned here). One of the numerous ‘things’ that actually does make it out of my inbox (only to be reshuffled to a saved folder) is my Girlboss newsletter. It is written in an off handed steam of conscious blurb style (kinda like what I did above with the "all the things" comment). If you are seeking writers Girlboss I’m over here frantically waving my hand (the way I do when someone lets me over in traffic to say thank-you – like obnoxiously waving – pick me, pick me, thank you, thank you). The most recent Girlboss newsletter is full of fab info. This one had me researching bed linens, and offered me an understanding of who the hell my ten-year-old is talking about when she mentions Charlie D’Amelio. It also inspired this blog post. The last few weeks I have been writing about what I consider the top ten best gifts to give/receive this holiday season as we approach Black Friday. The Girlboss newsletter referenced how we will all be staying home more in the coming months (thanks again Rona) and linked to Noel Murray’s article in Slate highlighting the best new board games we may want to consider to help pass the time. One of the games he cites is Machi Koro Legacy. I was never a D&D player, but was always intrigued when my childhood friend’s teen brother and his group of friends would disappear for hours in the basement to play. Murray highlights Machi’s similar “narrative-driven” approach. As a storyteller myself, I’m thinking it might be high time to give this game genre a go. In his article introduction Murray also alludes to a previous article where he gathered what he considers the 40 Greatest Family Games (are you seeing why I get nothing done! Of course I then had to see the list). He nailed some of my favorites including Guess Who? and Boggle (which I now just added to my amazon shopping cart), but Murray missed these ones that I also love: Old Maid, Chutes and Ladders, Perfection, Scattergories, and Chinese Checkers. Since childhood I’ve also discovered these gems:
Finally, I have to mention how eerie it was to see a game called Pandemic featured in Murray’s 2018 article. If only it could have remained in the box. Yesterday one of my favorite yoga teachers tagged me in her story (see pic above). I'm still soaking in the afterglow of her referring to me as an artist (like the highest compliment I feel you could give me so thank you Jen Ezell). Anyhow, her post got me thinking about amazingly talented people whose crafts I'd like to promote in my top10 holiday gifts to get/receive blog series. Here are some of them: 1) Kim O'Neil - see that pretty woman in the picture below. See those pretty purple swishy earrings. Yep - she made those! And I am almost as enamored with them as I am with her! Almost. I love the deep color, the metal work, and the brown paper explaining the labyrinth (an ancient spiritual symbol/tool) design pattern she used to hang the beads and tassels from. You can catch Kim at Flux teaching metal jewelry making classes, on Insta @rockoutjewelry, or at www.rockoutjewlery.etsy.com where you can buy her custom pieces. All handmade and I can assure you - with lots of love. 2. Shawn Brewster: I met Shawn at Harmony Yoga Studios where he was making a guest appearance with his guiar and helped Natalie (studio owner) lead us through a vinyasa flow set to live acoustic music. I was instantly smitten and now never miss a 'Shawn' appearance if I can help it. Also, I don't know who you are Jeanette Kasalak Sangston, but when I was looking for a pic with Shawn and his guitar I saw the amazing pic below on his wall. I hope you don't mind me sharing it :) The one of him and me on the right is not nearly as cool (though I do love my Oldboy t-shirt celebrating a band Shawn plays in that I purchased that day; unfortunately, it got cut off in this pic). 3. Janie Walland - If you pay attention to anything I post, you have heard of Janie lol. Her and I have been working creatively together for the past 9 months on an oracle deck marrying my words and her images. That project has saved me in more ways than I can articulate. It kept me distracted, motivated, accountable, sane. It also kept me creating, and through that creation came healing and comfort. During that time my mom had contracted Covid and was hospitalized for 42 days and on a ventilator for two weeks. Things were not looking good. I began obsessively digging through old pictures, sifting and sorting through memories, and writing as a way to cope. My mom always took us on the best vacations and one place that we would visit year after year was Ocean City, New Jersey. We'd go with aunts and uncles, grandmas and grandmas, cousins, and even friends. And we'd always spend one night at Gillan's Wonderland at the far end of the boardwalk. At Gillan's there was a glass cage that housed a band of stuffed monkeys. You'd drop a coin in and the monkeys would each play their instruments. There was also that old school carousel. I'd always try to saddle up on one of the horses in the outer most ring so I could try my hand at grabbing the brass ring (according to Wikipedia only 14 of these brass ring dispensing carousels still exist). Anyhow, I wrote the below piece (a version of which is part of the oracle deck Janie and I completed) as a way to honor my mom, and my memories. I sent Janie a pic of what Wonderland on the Pier looked like to me as a kid (see image below taken by Carol Highsmith). And from that, she created the illustration on the right. I’m a collector– not of knickknacks, but of moments. Memory souvenirs…that is what I gather. Driving under a sea of stars to an ocean of waves. The clackity clack of bicycle wheels on boardwalk. The incessant chatter of gulls. Thin sliced pizza by the pier. A monkey band housed inside a glass case. Our souvenirs call us back. Some are silly. Some get shattered. A few tarnish along the way. But most – most are colorful carousel horses and a few are brass rings If you have something special you'd like illustrated- a person, a pet, an object, a memory - I'd recommend giving her a holler! You can find her on Insta @janiewalland And if you'd like to order our 32 card affirmation deck - you can do that here. 4 & 5. Robyn and Michelle I used to work with Robyn at Cuyahoga Community College and since then we've wandered into one another's lives for various projects. She helped judged a creative student contest I chaired, and I spoke to one of her sociology classes. When I saw she was participating in the #Frontstepsproject I practically begged her to come venture 'all the way' to the Eastside so I could be a part of it. The project captured families isolated in their homes due to Covid. The photographers pulled up, snapped pics from a safe distant, and shared. You can read more about how the project started here (brainchild of Mass. natives Cara Soulia and Kristen Collins). I encourage you to visit Robyn's page @robynwhitephoto on FB to see what other awesome stuff she is up to! And Robyn - I hope we wader in and out of one another's lives more often in the future. I met Michelle at a Scare Your Soul Body Positivity event coordinated by Scott Simon. She was the photographer and I was the very awkward model. She is so super talented behind the lens, but also at making people feel extremely comfortable in extremely uncomfortable situations. Both her and Robyn are community activists, positive change agents, and immensely strong and gifted women. You can find Michelle on Insta @michellemloufman or at linktr.ee/michellemloufman
Number 8 on my best gifts to get and receive is...wait for it...our oracle deck Soulscape. Some of you know what this is and have already made your purchase (thank you), some of you have seen my posts and are still fucking confused on to what we are selling (lol), some of you are over hearing about this (sorry...only kinda).
I hope this post clears up what Soulscape is, how it came to be, and why it is a great holiday gift to buy and receive. The Backstory This deck was a natural birth. A map sewn out of sisterhood and sobriety and a slaphappy moment of inspiration where Janie Walland and I asked, “Why the hell can’t we do this?” Not long ago, I was hosting a yoga/vision board workshop called “Downdogs and Daydreams“ at Chris Keller's space (check out all the women's/girls circles she offers here. She is a master of ceremonies and just an amazing human being!) It was there where I originally met Janie, who was a participant. We got to chatting about dreams, big and small; our children; her career and calling as an illustrator; my affection for words; and on and on. By evening’s end we had exchanged numbers to continue the conversation. Simultaneously, I started thinking about all the oracle decks I’ve purchased over the years. Then came “The Aha Moment.” “Wait a minute! I can write! I just met a woman who illustrates, and we both believe that each of us co-create our lives! Then I remembered an anonymous quote I posted on my Instagram feed months ago... It read: “There are people less qualified than you, doing the things you want to do, simply because they decide to believe in themselves. Period.” I began to believe in myself. At least, in that moment I did...and all I needed was that moment. I, like most people, have moments of confidence and inspiration, seeing myself in all of my divinity. I also have moments where I feel totally inept at life. Like a complete unlovable loser. I’ve learned to sustain those moments of worthiness by grabbing the hand of someone who I know will support me and asking if they’d like to go with me? It is harder to give up when someone is holding your hand and you are holding theirs. On a whim, I texted Janie. “I believe in myself. Want to hear an idea?” I am so grateful that she believed in me. That she believed in herself. That she said, “Yes, I’ll go with you.” And now here we are. And Here It Is! What is it?: This is, essentially, a 32 card poem deck. This Soulscape Deck was inspired by my extensive travels, both around the globe and internally within. Each card has an affirmation paired with an illustration. There are enough cards to choose one a day for a month, plus a bonus card (because, duh, we like to go big). Also, in numerology the number 32 is associated with adventure, creativity, freedom, and teamwork. We liked that! How to use it: You can pick a card a day and place it randomly back in the deck. Maybe you pick the same one tomorrow. Maybe you don’t. You can pick a card a day and place it in the back of the deck and move through the cards like a flip calendar for the month. Why buy it:? The cards are something tactile that you can hold in your hand as a reminder that you too are worthy, that there is no wrong direction, that you will get to wherever you are meant to go. Use them for yoga class mantras, for quiet meditation, as writing prompts. Drop them in the mail to a friend, hang them on your mirror, hide them under your pillow. The price point ($20 for local pickup near Mentor, OH or $28 for mailing) makes them a great gift for teachers, coaches, neighbors. For that price you are essentially receiving 32 original works of art and 32 original pieces of writing. And how fun, if you know us, to have something on your shelf, or table, or nightstand that was created by people whose stories you share, whose hearts you know. There are absolutely no set “rules” on how, when, or why one might use the deck. We’ve loved taking this trip together and now invite you to join the journey. Will you come with us? Click here to order (please use the friends/family option on Paypal or you can Venmo me at Kristina-Ambrosia-Conn). The decks are scheduled to arrive next week from the printer and so will be here in time for the holidays! Yay! Oh, and if you see this today please reach out and wish Janie a very happy bday! Mauh! I couldn’t agree more with IIya Pozin’s article “The Secret to Happiness? Spend Money on Experiences, Not Things”. That’s why, since my daughter was born, she has never received tons of ‘stuff’, but she has always received at least ‘one experience’ on special days. These have included little ‘experiences’ – a gift certificate to the movies, a trip to the ice capades or Kringle's Inventionasium, and big ones – tickets to Disney and to NYC (where my sister and I played a wicked game of adult musical chairs in Bryant Park while Olivia cheered us on lol). I often deny my little sugarplum souvenirs at places we visit – as to me the real present is the gift of going to the place, not the over priced trinkets sold at them (I mean $20 to get your picture taken with a cardboard cut-out of a Disney Princess - REALLY?!?!)– but I never deny her the opportunity to meet new people, visit new places, and try new things. My sister shares my sentiments in this matter, and so often we ‘gift’ one another time spent together doing things we’ve either never done or have done and loved. In the past these gifts have included firewalking, sensory deprivation tanks, psychic readings, and enjoying singer/songwriter night at the famed Bluebird Café. In fact, one of our favorite things in the world is the Playhouse Square subscription package we share. It assures us at least one date night a month together enjoying good food and live theater. And now, more than ever, our theaters can use your support. Check out the following message from Gina Vernaci, President and Chief Operating Officer of Playhouse Square. Can you think of anyone who might enjoy a gift that will also, quite literally, help this amazing organization and the second biggest theater district in the US outside of NYC to keep their lights shining bright. Theater not your jam? No worries. Check out Cloud 9 Living that allows you to buy 'experiences' all over the United States including personal chef prepared dinner parties, custom perfume design, and cage diving with sharks.
You can buy now and book later. Even better, there are no expiration dates, and free returns and exchanges (see website for details). You can search by experience type, location, recipient, and occasion. And I love that if you don't know what kind of experience the person you are buying for wants, you can simply buy them a specified gift certificate amount to put towards whatever adventure calls to them. Yes, please! So just like last year I'm giving you my top ten holiday gift ideas in time for Black Friday (which I refuse to participate in after one particularly scarring experience some years ago lol). Keep checking back every few days to follow along in the countdown. Some of the items from last year remain on my best gifts to get/receive list, but there are some newbies too! One of those newly discovered items are the beautiful globe marbles featured above that I purchased from Amazon. As many of you know I'm an avid traveler. I'm also an Aggravation player. Aggravation is a game that I remember learning from my ex-husband's family several years ago, but my mom had an old board from her dad so apparently I wasn't the first in the family to play :) The game is sort of like Sorry with the aim of being the first to get all your marbles to their 'home base'. You need to roll a 1 or a 6 on the die to 'bring a man out' and you can shorten your journey home by taking the middle. You can also get stuck there for quite awhile! You can't leap frog your own or other players' marbles. That is pretty much the gist of it. It's simplicity makes it a great family game. Just the other night my ten year old daughter Olivia, the new beau, and I played under the stars. That being said, I KNOW adults can also have fun playing this sans kids! When I was married, my ex and I would go to our bestie's house, bring a space heater into the garage, and with our wine, beer, and smokes ready we'd trash talk one another till 2 or 3 in the morning. It was usually girls vs. boys and we kept score on the back of the board. I still smile when I think of our victory song Gina! Of all things, it was Ariel's 'ahh ahhhh ahhh' song...bahaha We'd buy in at a $1 per person per game and we kept an ongoing kitty to accompany our running scoreboard. Once the pot was at $100 or so the four of us would use it to go out to dinner.
So if you know someone who loves to travel and who also plays any games that involve marbles this might just be the perfect gift (they aren't quite as beautiful as in the pic and a bit smaller than I was expecting, but I also suck at reading measurements. In any case, they still add a touch of loveliness to the board and are a great reminder of all the magical places I've been - the majority of them with that bestie actually). If you want to know more about the game or the marbles - just ask! Or better yet, come play! But only if you can take lots of jawing and aren't a sore loser. . So I just finished Rules of Civility and it really made me reconsider a narrative I've been championing for quite awhile - a narrative I'm not quite sure I want to give up. And so now I'm curious what you all think! I generally subscribe to the idea that each decision we make has a ripple effect on what happens next and what happens next and what happens next. Think Gwenyth Paltrow in the 90's movie Sliding Doors. (Great flick if you haven't seen it!) It follows her character through two different storylines - one where she catches the metro and one where she doesn't. The film flips back and forth in short segments showing us how a split decision changes the outcome of a life. Or if you are a Broadway fan think If/Then (an all time fav of mine). This is basically the movie above set to showtunes :) But last night as I was finishing Towels super smart novel, I read the following passage from the epilogue and I got to wondering which narrative feels more 'true' to me today. The passage reads: "It is a bit of a cliche to characterize life as a rambling journey on which we can alter our course at any given time - by the slightest turn of the wheel, the wisdom goes, we influence the chain of events and thus recast our destiny with new cohorts, circumstances, and discoveries. But for most of us, life is nothing like that. Instead, we have a few brief periods when we are offered a handful of discrete options. Do I take this job or that job? In Chicago or New York? Do I join this circle of friends or that one, and with whom do I go home at the end of the night? And does one make time for children now? Or later? Or later still? In that sense, life is less like a journey than it is a game of honeymoon bridge. In our twenties, when there is still so much time ahead of us, time that seems ample for a hundred indecisions, for a hundred visions and revisions - we draw a card, and we must decide then and there whether to keep that card and discard the next, or discard the first card and keep the second. And before we know it, the deck has been played out and the decisions we have just made will shape our lives for decades to come" (323). Or maybe these options aren't so different after all. What is the differnce? The amount of decisions we truly get to make? How often we get to make them? How many of these decisions truly impact our lives in ways that feel substantial? Oh god, now I'm spiraling down a philosophical hole...someone throw me some 'lines'. |
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I am a creative writer, a runner, a seeker, a teacher, and a student. I've been practicing yoga since 2014 and story-telling my whole life. Archives
July 2021
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